There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You ate ashes out of my bong
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
