someone threw a dead crab at me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
