Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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