I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
