Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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