If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
