1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
