When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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