I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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