break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
