Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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