Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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