i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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