I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This is not my ceiling
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
