there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
