So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
