"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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