It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
