The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
