so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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