I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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