So drunk its hurt
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
