Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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