Kiss
Puke
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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