I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
