Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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