Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
