It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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