Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
