And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
