i just google imaged poop.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
