He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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