kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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