ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Your dad touched me again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
