The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I have post one night stand depression
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
