There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
