she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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