sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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