By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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