"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want to make out with him forever
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize