i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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