don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize