Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
