fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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