Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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