i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The beer is more important than you right now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
