Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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