tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
