she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
