she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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