Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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