new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
