I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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