I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
