I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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