There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
