Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
