If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He better not be in your backpack
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
