Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
