party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize