two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
