so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
