there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
