Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
