halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize