I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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