Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
