I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize