Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
