I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
