She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
