I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
