you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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