you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
