i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
