So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
