I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
