I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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