Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
