Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize