oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
