nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
