I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize