if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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