Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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