ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
