his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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