College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
