You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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