1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I can't put those talents on a resume
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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