I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize