If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
