my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
