will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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