I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
