on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
