I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
