Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
