I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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