Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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