one might say we're banned from that church
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
