I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
