Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How does one acquire holy water?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
