problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize