She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
