If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
