My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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